We’re Gonna’ Have To Ice Skate Home…Hell Just Froze Over

Well, well, well what do we have here? Oh hello there MC Hammer, didn’t see you there. You know when I was a kid my mom used to take us to Milpitas, Ca to go shopping at the outlet malls. Along the way we’d pass MC Hammer’s sprawling mansion. True story. It sat in the middle of the hills, one-story and hella damn acres. I remember asking my mom “I wonder how they deliver the mail up there. I don’t see any other houses!” Yes that was dumb, but I was a kid so lay off me bitch. Ahem* Ahem* back to my point: now I look up and he’s invading my Sunday reality show line-up. Wtf? Why is it that the most boring people who go hella broke for blowing thru their money like a mountain of cocaine always wanna’ be having a damn reality show? Enough with this. Enough. Not you too Hammer. Of all people, I thought you were done with having people all up in your bees-knees after you filed for chapter 11; then released ‘Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story’ but I guess not. Clearly I was wrong. Very very wrong. Not that the show is all that bad. I mean if I’ve said it once I’ve said it 124,545 times: Black love is a beautiful thang. You and your wife are still together, you guys have hella kids and it’s all gravy. But at the end of the day, I gotta’ tell ya, I’m not really interested. Then it’s on A&E. My channel that is reserved for riveting docu-dramas like The First 48, Intervention, LA Ink and Dog the Bounty Hunter is now home to Hammer’s show? Gene Simmons was weird enough but I let it slide, this time I just can’t. So I’m pulling out my wicken spell book as we speak and will get down to the business of canceling this show. I’m sorry but I have too. It’s not you, it’s me.



p.s. Denise Richards: you’re next. Stop fronting like the world just can’t get enough of your former life with Carlos Irwin Estevez (aka Charlie Sheen). The only reason why we care is because you won’t let us forget it. Not to mention you have a reality show where you say: “OMG, I hope they don’t ask me about the divorce and about Charlie.” Um blink* blink * blink. You bring it up before everybody else. Let it go, he’s married with more kids. It’s over.